Rest and glass
Rest
I have been a good girl and have been sleeping most of the past two days following a really bad day.
It began on monday when I just didn’t feel right all day and was very quiet and sad. I should know that this is a que. It took me a while to realize it. But when I did I finally just allowed my self to crash. I woke up after sleeping until 10:00 on Wednesday still brain dead and unable to think much so I let myself sleep for a couple of hours today after I got Katie from swim team.
It’s been a busy month with Jon graduating and we had lots of family, 14 of us staying in or around the house in a trailer. It was a ton of fun. I took all my breaks and family was a huge help and I made it through it all very well if I say so myself. Better than I have in a long time. I was able to really enjoy having family and friends around. Family is the huge help. When I take my breaks they just take over and finish dinner, or dishes or keep company busy until I am back. It’s absolutely wonderful.
So, I guess with the excitement of having a child graduate and all the anxiety that comes with it, I finally allowed myself to rest. Boy did I crash. I am feeling much better today. Enjoying the calm, peaceful feeling I have after getting lots of rest. It doesn’t happen very often cause my anxiety is incredibly high and won’t let me rest even when I am exhausted. Just like “Alice in Wonderland” she thinks 6 impossible things before breakfast. I used to think 10 horrible thoughts before I get out of bed. Thanks to my cognitive therapist I worked through it and finally got to that place where I could sleep for a while. I don’t use medications to help. Tried that and it’s just a band-aid, but when I took the band-aid off the problem was still there. Those closest to me know how I “love” medicine and just give up and throw it all away anyway. So I learned to work through it with my head and lots of reasoning and positive thoughts. Works better than any drug although it may take a little longer. Thanks Dr. Frazier for the strategies!
Glass
Yesterday I went to the mirror to look at a bump on my forehead. I scratched at it with my fingernail thinking it was just another zit. But when I scratched it an oblong silver sliver came up and stuck out of my forehead. I pulled at it with my fingernails (gross) and rolled the sliver between my fingers. It glimmered. Not a zit. Glass. Seven years and I am still getting glass out of my forehead!
Dr. Baker pulled lots of glass out of my eye after the accident. Three months after when the swelling went down I could feel more glass in between my eyelashes and my eyebrow. So back to Dr. Baker. He cut me open and pulled out five pieces. One was slightly bigger than an eraser on the end of a pencil. It made a big plunk when he dropped it into a pan. Dan kept that one. He still has it somewhere. Don’t know why. Maybe I’ll ask him when he gets home tonight. I had to go back to Dr. Baker a few times and now they just come in the form of zits. Funny. And gross.
our headbangers ball 
Diane, it’s gonna take me a lot of courage to read some of these posts. I am crying just from the glass post. I had no idea you could still have that in your body. I wish I could zone in and tenderly help you pull out every piece of glass. If my eyes could just zero in on that glass. But maybe it would be too much to get it all out at once. But I am very touched by this. I had no idea…
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Thanks for reading! It takes all my courage to write these. Sometimes I close my eyes before I push the “post” button. Then my heart beats fast as I think “did I really just post that”. But it also feels very good to get it out. I am sure you will enjoy blogging. Love ya!
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