our headbangers ball

I have become fast friends with Krista, my speech therapist. She is newly married, blond, beautiful and a little unsure of herself. I think she’s wonderful. When she gets her confidence on she is incredible. It looks good on her. You can tell that she really cares. She knows her stuff. Krista will be a very good therapist when she graduates, because she is now. She is patient when I unload my thoughts and feelings on her. She listens and really figures me out. We are working on strategies for getting through my day.  She gave me some really great conversation strategies that help me remember what it’s all about when I talk to people during the day. I have become a copy cat. I repeat what you are saying to me in my head as you are talking to me. Then I pull out just a few important facts or throw it all away. Summarize and paraphrase. Don’t feel bad that I might throw our conversation away. If we are just chatting then I tell my brain I don’t need to keep the information. You know, the brick theory from my earlier post.  My favorite so far is the day she handed me a package of green, squishy earplugs. The kind you can smash into a hard little ball and after a few minutes they resume their shape. The first chance I get to try them out is at home. Before dinner. The reminder on my phone goes off for my break. I yell at Dan and he and the kids take over dinner. I open my bedroom door and quickly close it before I worry about what they are doing to my dinner. I have to let go and let them help me. Evening time is the hardest because my brain is full and tired. I can only take in so much information because my process speed is slower.  I crawl onto my big log bed followed by my buddy, Harley. I reach over and push my five minute timer, to the bottom of which I have taped a fortune from our favorite chinese restaurant. It reads ‘ Put up with small annoyances to gain great results. Its my reminder to not let my breaks annoy me more than I let them heal and help me. Then I hear Dan disappearing into the den to the computer and Katie and Jon beginning to argue over who is supposed to do what with dinner. Oh great! I pull the pillow over my head to try and drown out the noise. It doesn’t work. aaaarrrrggghhh. I am not getting a very good break. Where is the peaceful breathing and restful daydreaming. I know if I don’t get a good break then I may end up crashing and being total useless to my family and myself. Sometimes I end up getting so overloaded that Dan sends me to bed. I want to be with my family tonight. Connecting and involved, not confused, angry and distant. Oh well, I may as well give up now. It’s too much of a distraction hearing them through the pillow. I throw it off my face. Wait. I happened to glance over at my timer and see the package of ear plugs. I rip them open. I smile really big. I roll them between my fingers just like the directions say to and place them in my ears. Slowly they expand and drown out the world. I breathe deeply. I empty my head and rest and renew. If Krista were here I would hug her. My smile gets bigger. It’s the best break I have had in a long time.  Now I have a set in my purse and at home. I take them wherever I go. I never thought such happiness would come from a set of squishy green earplugs.

~ by gonefishindd5 on March 13, 2010.

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