speech therapy
I go to speech therapy on Thursday’s of every week. Even though my speech is fine, I am from Idaho after all. I go to improve how I think things through. To build new neuron pathways. I go to the University Speech therapy program and the students are WONDERFUL. So good about figuring me out and making me work hard to improve and build new pathways of thinking. We can’t fix the damaged areas of my brain, we have to go around them and build new pathways. It’s hard. it’s very hard. One of the hardest things I have ever done. I am only in therapy for an hour but I am so exhausted when I am finished that I sit in my car for about ten minutes before I can leave. You see, to have a conversation with somebody is not typical for me. Each word they say feels like a brick. The more they say to me the more I have to hang onto and hold a heavy brick. Each word adding another dusty, rough edged brick. I hold them not knowing where to put down each one. I end up carrying this heavy load around and that exhausts me. So needless to say I have some very heavy conversations(lol). I leave the conversation feeling weighed down, confused and tired, knowing your lips were moving and hearing you speak, but knowing little about what we talked about. I hear only the first two or three minutes of words, I even understand each word, but to remember them and process them into a summary of our conversation seems impossible, or so I thought, before Randy and Krista, my speech therapists, taught me where to put my bricks. Some I throw away, and others, just a few, I file neatly into nice little bundles of remembering and understanding. So these new pathways are like constructing subway tunnels, that I get to build, just Krista and I. With a big pick and shovel I work away at my pathway every week. No big machinery for me, I have to do this all on my own. My only guide is Krista and her supervisor and all they can do is encourage me and tell me how. I can now repeat to you the summary of our converstion. While you are speaking I repeat what you are saying to me to myself in my head, kind of like being a silent copy cat. I then pick out just a few important words to keep.The rest of the day I feel tired yet energized, confident, but mostly hopeful. Things are moving forward and I will soon enter the little world of understanding and remembering that most of the rest of you live in. Then about 6pm I crash. I crash hard. My brain closes its doors and boards them up fast, I cannot think anymore. I have run into and hit this very brick wall I have been carrying. This is very hard on my family and I try to ignore it. I think they do to, but that doesn’t work. So I go down fighting, literally. Then my husband so very carefully looks at me and gingerly says ” is it time for a break honey?” Sometimes I yell “No! I am fine!” when I am obviously not and head to the bedroom for a break as the words explode from my mouth. We have to have a sense of humor with all this because at this moment I do not know what I am doing. But peace and refreshment come in the form of my hourly 5 minute meditative breaks. I use earplugs and just relax for five to ten minutes, thinking really nothing at all, just focusing on my breathing. Towards the end of the break I can actually feel my brain opening its doors again. I get up and go on. Kind of Jekyll and Hide I think. But who isn’t?
our headbangers ball 
Hang in there, kiddo. You can do it.
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Thanks! I just keep moving forward. Having great friends helps.
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Diane,
Thank you so much for posting this. I am graduating with my Master’s Degree in Speech Pathology in August. It is so good to read your experiences and I’m glad that you are finding the help you need. You have been working so hard… good for you! Bless you and your family.
Take Care,
Brenda
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Brenda,
Thanks for reading! I wondered what you were doing? Are you going to school at ISU in poky?
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Yes, I am going to ISU. It is tough but I’m sure it will be worth it!
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I love that you started a blog, Diane! Your description of paving new pathways in your brain sounds absolutly exhausting, but I am glad to know more about what you go through each day. You are a strong woman and a model for me of faith and love.
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Laura!-I used the same place as your blog cause I liked it a lot and really enjoyed your blog also. Three of my therapists wanted me to start blogging as a way to release and also to remember and I love it so far-but only posted once. lol! Love you!!
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You go girl! I can see that this could be quite therapeutic. I think your writing is beautiful! You go girl!
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Thanks Linda!!! So glad you read it.
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Love you Mom. You are amazing. I am so so happy that you finally decided to do this, you have been talking about it for a long time!
You are so strong.
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Shellie- I love you too! I am only as strong as my support system and that’s you, Dad, Jon, Katie, family and friends.
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Diane, I am so moved by your writing. Your expression of your thoughts and feelings is so clear. Your writing style so accomplished. I think you should write a short book about the whole experience – think you could be on TV. Love you so much and am so proud of you. Mom
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Wow Diane! Amazing and so beautifully written! You are doing so great and are so brave…you are truly an inspiration!
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Wow, my wife is a star! 🙂
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Only because of you. I couldn’t get out of the bed in the morning with out you.
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Oh wow! I have not seen that car for a while, so it was a shock when it came up on the screen. Had to cry for a while. I was literally on my knees that night. Anniversary coming huh? Dan picked a good name. Life is a dance after all with all kinds of intricate patterns, slow, fast, complicated, easy, painstaking, fun, scary, joyful, sad and happy. It is a journey for sure. Diane, Dan, Shellie, Jon and Katie are all amazing and wonderful people whom I love so very very much. I hate that Diane has to go through this but at the same time thankful she is still here and can go through this.
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[…] speech therapy February 2010 16 comments 4 […]
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2010 in review « our headbangers ball said this on January 2, 2011 at 4:42 pm |
I love this site very much, It’s really nice to read
and also learn more information.
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