our headbangers ball

Throughout life you will learn that sorrow will not remain. You will see that it is like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon to make way for greater things.” ~ Corrine DeWinter

Change happens every day whether it is good or bad. People die, give birth, get jobs, lose jobs, graduate, get married, move, etc. Some of these moments are just simply change and some are life-changing.

Today March 1st is the 13th anniversary of my car accident. My life-changing moment. On this day each year I pause to think about how far I’ve come and how many more days and experiences I have been blessed to be a part of.  I don’t let it be a sad day and focus on all I lost.  I think about the fact that I survived and am here today. It would be very easy for me to be sad or depressed; to think why me or about all the “what ifs”; to live life with anger and resentment. But then I think about what type of person I would be if I lived my life that way. It really would be so easy to succumb to the pain and confusion that comes every day, stay in bed and complain. Believe me, there are some days I do. But it doesn’t last for very long. I want to take advantage of the days I have.

It’s been a long and challenging road so far. My life has taken twists and turns, leading me in various directions. Life with a brain injury is hard. Very hard. There have been many obstacles in my way that I’ve had to get over and daily challenges that I’ve had to adjust too. It took 13 years of slow and steady progress and various types of therapy to get me where I am now. Hyperbaric Oxygen treatments have been my most recent success. I never gave up and I never will. Throughout the last 13 years I learned that I’m here for a reason. (March 1st is also the beginning of TBI awareness month) I’m strong as a stubborn mule and can accomplish all kinds of new dreams and goals. The accident changed my life,  it changed me, my personality, my physical well being, and put some pretty big limits on what I can accomplish and what I had planned to do in life. My doctors watched me blow through many of those limits.  The accident was definitely not on my bucket list of things to experience before I die. Bucket list, smucket list. I learned you can make all the perfect plans you want but life will take you where you are meant to be in spite of you trying to take control. And that will be your real journey. The one you are meant to have.  It will be your best plan, your best day ever, your best life ever.  I love who I am now and what I am capable of. The me that my struggles have turned me into is pretty damn awesome.

I still want to love and be loved. I still need friends and family to support me. I want to be an advocate for others with disabilities, Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD, and the 300,000 others like me, others who have faced similar changes and challenges. It’s all new territory. Navigating it all with a TBI, fatigue and chronic pain is no easy task. It may be hard at times, but I’ve learned to put aside the pain and confusion and struggle and use that energy to help others.  I pause every single day and am thankful for 13 years full of blessings, family, friends, grand-babies, sunsets, fishing, hiking, helping others. . . the list could go on. There is nothing like almost dying to wake you up and make you cherish every moment. Where I am today is not at all close to the plans I had 13 years ago. But it is the best place for me. And today is the best day ever.