Anniversary
On Tuesday Dan and I celebrated our 20th Anniversary. It was a very special day. Of course. We work really hard on our marriage and this 20 years means so much to us. We are best friends and lovers. We really enjoy being with each other. We sent Katie to a friend’s house and I made grilled baguette bread with olive oil, Greek topping including peppers, clamata olives, feta cheese, etc…I also had some chilled shrimp and cocktail sauce, a side of artichokes and I dug out the wine glasses we got from the wedding suite the day we were married and filled them with red wine repeatedly throughout the night. We just sat and talked about us and the past 20 years and our busy day. It was wonderful. Then we watched a couple re-runs of M.A.S.H. and called it a night. 😉
When I was diagnosed with my TBI I was devastated. So was Dan. At the same time we were relieved to finally know what was going on. I immediately got on the internet and found out all I could about my diagnosis. I read books and got involved with a support group. We got all the members of our family on board, including extended family. Things were going to be ok I thought, but there was one lingering piece of information that I kept finding where ever I went for my information. The divorce rate for survivors of a TBI was 78%! What the hell! I didn’t like that at all. It broke my heart. I became one worried girl. One poor girl in our support group was going through a divorce, her husband said it was because of the TBI! I couldn’t imagine my life with out Dan. Especially now, who would want me with all my baggage. I would end up alone I feared. Dan and I talked about this over and over. Screw the statistics. We are going to try just that much harder to make it.
Many things strain a marriage. Many more things add to the strain after a TBI. The caregiver or spouse has to take on so many more responsibilities. What the survivor can’t do the family ends up doing. Lots of TBI survivors can’t work, like me, so it’s up to the spouse to provide for the family and TBI rehabilitation is one of the most expensive treatments out there. Dan not only provides for us but he also makes sure I have all the treatment I need, plus anything else I need. There is also the added stress of moodiness, forgetfulness, depression and limited awareness of injury related changes. So, like any marriage, it’s tough sometimes.
Recently, Thank God, I received my newsletter from the Brain Injury Association Of Utah. (which is what I referenced for this blog) On the front page was an article titled, The Truth About Divorce After Brain Injury. It immediately caught my attention and I couldn’t put it down. What a great article. I found new information and relief all in a one page reading. The article states that the VCU, Virginia Commonwealth University recently did a study about the high divorce rate among TBI survivors. They found that the studies were old and poorly done which included ‘misleading and negative information’. The old study was done in Europe ‘where the social and legal system is different that the U.S.’ VCU conducted new studies and found out that; “Divorce rates after brain injury may, in fact, be much lower than divorce rates for the general population’ Yay!!!! I was so excited. ‘While some spouses report more stresses and marital troubles post-injury, some report connecting with each other in new, positive ways as they face injury-related challenges together.’ And that is exactly what Dan and I were experiencing. Even though my TBI adds some stress (ok, ok, a lot of stress sometimes) to our lives, we have stepped up to the challenge. Most importantly we have learned to laugh about it more, relax more, enjoy life more. Dan even teases me about being “slow” and that’s ok with me. Those of you that know him know he has a great and quick sense of humor. He is so good at making me laugh when I really want to cry.
Dan has promised me that he’s not going anywhere. I know he won’t. He’s not that kind of guy. He is standing right here beside me through all of this. (i am bawling so hard right now I can hardly read the words on the screen) He is an amazing man. I am soooo blessed and lucky to have him. Thanks Dan for everything you do for me. As for the kids, I know they also feel the same way. Thanks guys. You are the best kids ever! We are in this together and will learn to get through it the best we can and with a smile on our face. All while having a ball.
our headbangers ball 
So everytime I read your blogs I end up with tears running down my face and want to comment and sometimes am too emotional to do so. You are a wonder of wonders. You have accomplished so much in the past year and several months. You truly are a different person that you were in November of 2008. You have had a long hard struggle since the accident and even though you will still have trying times, you know how and what can help you. I hope you know all of your family is behind you – well not always behind you, sometimes pulling you along. We try to recognize when you need a little break and don’t mind the reminders that we need to take over a little. You and Dan are fun to watch because one can see the love in each of your eyes – unless, that is, there is a bit if a disagreement going on. We love Dan as a son and maybe someday you will get your wool Filson or Pendleton coat. We need to know how good a steelhead fisher person you are first to know if you are going to really need the coat for those cold mornings out on the Salmon River with your line in the water and hoping for one of the big ones.
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