the thorn in my flesh
I received many emails and comments from you to make sure I relaxed and took care of myself. Thank you! I love that you care about me so much. I care about you also. I think I want you to understand a little bit more though. I just want you to know how difficult it sometimes is. You see I have been given this second chance. I don’t want to spend it in bed.
Paul asks God to remove the thorn in his flesh. And believe me, so have I. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” I found this bible verse recently after I was diagnosed with my Traumatic Brain Injury. You see I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. In fact I couldn’t for a long time. But now, I can after a lot of hard work. That verse is one of the reasons I started this blog. I need people to know what is going on and sometimes I need your help. I need your help finding constructive new ways to rest and excuses that make me feel better about it. So please post your ideas. After all we can’t do it alone. I would help any of you when you ask, in a heartbeat.
This past year I have gotten a lot better about taking care of myself. I had to because everything came crashing down around me the end of the year 2008. But that’s a whole other blog. I take my 5 minute breaks, I exercise, I try to stay active and I also spend a day or two in bed occasionally. Our lifestyle is slow motion. It’s just so hard when there is a house to clean, family to cook for, weddings to go to, dinner with friends and family, conversations with friends and family, graduations, after school conversations with Katie, homework, talks with Jon, phone calls from Shellie, special moments with Dan. It kills me to miss out on these things. My wonderful kids don’t deserve a mother that stays in bed all the time. What about Dan? Through my journey I have become finely tuned to what really is important in life. It’s time spent with family and friends. They need me and I need them. We need each other.
It’s ok that this has affected me, but I won’t let it affect my children. I want them to grow up and be the best they can be.I want to be there for them when they need me. Not sleeping or not being able to function. Katie is so young, I don’t want all her memories of me to be laying in bed or on the couch. or not being able to attend all her school and church activities. I am a completely different mother with her after the car accident than I was before it with the other two. It’s just not fair. We have things to do and see and experience. I am not going to miss out on this second chance I got.
It’s God that gives me the strength to get up and go on. Remember after the accident? He told me I would be ok. So I know I will be. It’s also all of you who read my blog, my family, my friends and especially my kids and Dan. You are the reason I don’t give up and stay in bed.What do Dr.s know anyway?? ha ha I know what your thinking. But many a Dr. has told a pt. that he will never walk again only to see that patient walk later on. I have a moderate/severe Traumatic Brain injury, people with that diagnosis can hardly function, but I do. I shouldn’t be here. People don’t survive accidents like the one I was in but I did. So when they tell me to rest, I listen, kind of. I really try to balance my resting and pushing myself a little bit. I especially need to stay healthy. I know what happens to me when I don’t exercise. I can’t move. I also know what happens to me when I over do it. You are the reason I don’t give up and also the reason that sometimes I do give up and stay in bed. It’s so I can be with you later. And don’t feel bad if you come to visit and hear that I stay in bed the whole day after you leave. Don’t feel bad if our conversation leaves me dizzy and a little brain-dead and then I take a long break when we’re finished. It’s just how I recuperated. Social situations and conversation are probably one of the hardest things for me to get through and it wears me out. Plus having the pain on top of all this. Somedays it’s a lot. But I wouldn’t miss those moments for anything. So, that’s why I don’t rest sometimes.
our headbangers ball 
Diane,
You are so inspiring to me. I think people use their problems as an excuse of why they don’t get things done and don’t get out in the world. You use your injuries to propell you forward and help you grow. So you have to recover a day or two. So many people spend all day in front of the TV and truley waste what they have been given. I believe your injuries make you a better person. You have learned more about yourself and your talents then most people will ever dream about learning. I am so proud of you, you inspire me to not take for granted what I have. I love the saying by Walt Disney “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” This is how you are. Love You
Dawn
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Thanks Dawn!! I just really love you.
-Diane- Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, forgive quickly, speak kindly & leave the rest to God!!! Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands……If it changes your life, let it…..God never said life would be easy, He just promised He would be there by your side to help you through it and never leave you.
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So Mom- I have figured out why I have been so incredibly homesick lately. I really wish I could be there with you through all of this very badly, but from reading these posts I can definitely see that you understand your suffering and the things you go through in such a healthy way that I know you will be fine. I always make the mistake of reading your posts at work, they never fail to make me cry. I am so blessed to have such an amazing mother- no matter what your perception of your rest days and pain days are, you have always continued to give and give. The support you have given all of us has always greatly exceeded what most people can do for others.(I do not know how you do it) I hope that we can learn more everyday that will lead us to support you in the way that you have done for us and also show you that we have never ever experienced an absence of your love and care, even when you have needed a day to yourself to rest.
Martin Luthers Sermon at Coburg (one of my favorites) has a great message of hope under our human condition of suffering. It is a life giving message that reminds us that at times we may feel that we are drowning in this life, but Christ had given us a treasure to hold high above our heads of promise and a new life- so we can keep that it mind when stuff gets rough. I have learned this, but you Know this.
I love you so much, and I am blessed to have not only an amazing mom but also a beautiful example that you give in the life that you live out every day. I hope that you know you have given all of us way beyond just what we need from a mommy:) You are such an awesome lady. Really. I LOVE YOU. I want to be like you.
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Wow! I am speechless! I have never in my life read such a beautiful note from a daughter to her mother. I know sometimes I may push you a little to hard. But its only because I know how amazing you are and what you are capable of. You are so amazing and smart. You can achieve anything you want. You choose paths in life that allow you to help others. That will bring you more happiness than anything in life. But I also know that you can’t do it alone. That’s why I encourage you so much. Because I love you more than life itself. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. I am lucky to have you as my daughter. I LOVE YOU! p.s. That’s why I am Lutheran, because of Martin Luthers thinking.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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Diane, Shellie said it so well and I hope that you do believe that you are an incredible mother. Please believe that each of your children will remember you for many, many things and not just the days that you had to rest or take care of yourself by staying in bed or taking medication. They will remember that you always loved to learn new things – like to make Lemon Pies. They will remember that you let them have sleep-overs, you took them to church and church camp. You encouraged them to go away to great places to college and to see the world. You are teaching by example to live in peace and serenity through meditation and prayer. Just your presence and your love, not the busy activities that we sometimes focus on as parents are the things that have meaning to our children. Who you are is everything they need. Bless you for expressing and letting others support you in your journey.
With love and prayers,
Catherine
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Thank you Catherine! I am realizing now that you are all right. Thanks for helping me see the right side in all of this. Its so easy to feel like a failure as a mom. Even when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am not the only mom that needs to understand that. Thanks for reading and for your comment. Couldn’t do this with out you. I will be anxiously waiting for an email from you.
Love you.
Diane
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